Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush atanoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Diane - Altadena
  I really like this guy I’ve been dating. How do I move the relationship along without him freaking out that ‘I’m moving the relationship on’?

Hi Diane,
Thank you for your interesting question. I would like to know more details, such as how long you have been dating and what you mean exactly by “moving the relationship on”. However, I think in most instances, this is a tough one if only one side wants to nudge along. If for example, you have been dating a while and you would like to move in together, this can be tackled in a gentle way. You can get a good read on him, if this is what your intentions are, by staying over more often, leaving things of yours at his place and of course, doing the ‘pop-in’ far more frequently! This should start to give you a good barometer reading on where he thinks you guys are heading. If he starts to neatly keep all your things together in a box by his front door, protests that suddenly he has to start getting up early for work or answering his door less and less it could be that you are pointing north and he’s pointing south, my dear. Good luck and let me know how it goes!

• Jesse - Burbank
  I’m a first time Speed Dater, any advice?

Hi Jesse,
Thank you for your great question, I get asked this one all the time! Most people are nervous the first time they do anything and speed dating is no exception. My best advice to you is just to be you. There is nothing that you can do wrong, there are no wrong answers. The absolute worst possible scenario is that you do not feel that “click”. Chances are it’s mutual, so who cares? In a few minutes you’ll be on to the next potential date-mate! Ask questions that you genuinely care to hear the answer to, not general, predictable questions. Listen to the answers you hear as opposed to waiting to ask your next question. If you really listen, you can start a good conversation within a minute. Some people tend to get into ‘interview’ mode and panic about the time that is ticking away. It takes a few moments to start a good conversation and if you both enjoy it, chances are you’ll have a match…and you can continue the conversation at a later date.

• Janet - Silverlake
  I’ve been dating my sister’s ex, ex, ex, ex boyfriend.:) for about 2 months now. Every time I think about telling her, I go from thinking shecouldn’t care less to moving any sharp items out of her house. They were together for a very short while a very long time ago. I don’t want to be an evil sister, what do I do?

Hi Janet,
This is a very interesting question, thank you for writing in.
The first thing you must do is tell your sister. The longer it goes on, the more you will hurt her in the long run. The worst part is surely not that you are seeing someone from her past but that you could not tell her? If she really liked this guy, something would have come of the relationship in the first place. I am sure she will understand and wish you guys nothing but the best… just don’t wait much longer in telling her what’s going on!

Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush atanoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Jocelyn – Redondo Beach
  Lately, when I go on dates they never get past the 3rd date. The first and second dates seem like their going well but for whatever reason, they fizzle out. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Any advice?

Hi Jocelyn,
Thank you for your question; it is not an easy one as everyone’s situation is different. The one thread that is true for all of us is that the first date is very much a ‘honeymoon’ date. We rarely tread too deep and it’s easy to feel ‘drunk’ in the moment of someone new showing interest in us. The second date is really the true test. It’s the second visit to that house you might want to buy, the second test drive on that new car and the second dinner with that guy you think you remember liking from a couple of weeks ago. If you do not feel a ‘click’ of any kind, chances are he doesn’t either, or worse he does and senses that you don’t! It’s very important that we put as much effort into that second date as we did the first and don’t assume he will do all the running. Men stress so much about securing that first date, that after the second he may feel it’s time you chased a bit.

• Stephanie – Long Beach
  I work with guy I really like. I know that dating someone you work with is almost an oxymoron, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like if we both approached it like adults, it could work and if itdidn’t, we could still be co-workers. Am I dreaming?

Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for your great question, you are not the first to ask and I am sure you won’t be the last!
Indeed this can be approached like ‘adults’ as you say, but invariably, the problems do not lay in the approach but rather in the outcome. You do not mention if there are any seniority issues, this will inevitably lead to problems. If one of you answers to the other in the workplace I would most certainly say leave well alone. However, if you are on the same level and your workplace is not an overly-serious one, then there is hope. Let’s face it, most of us spend more time at work then we do anywhere else. We see our co-workers more than our friends and family. This doesn’t necessarily mean though that you know someone all that well; remember if he is like most of us at work, you are seeing his best side in that 8-10 hour window. Another reason for concern is that you must think about what your job means to you, if say, things don’t work out. Will you be able to face him every day? Or what if you have a fight the previous night; can you behave cordially at work the next day for the sake of your co-workers?
This is an age-old question for a darn good reason. There are many options to weigh and each situation is unique to the individuals. If you can answer the above questions and feel that you can do this with no regrets, why not give it a go? Please tread carefully Stephanie and do weigh all of the possible outcome scenarios first. If things don’t work out, SpeedLA Dating is always here for you.

• Lori – Hollywood Hills
  I’ve been dating this great guy for about 4 months now. Everything is going good but I have yet to meet any of his family or friends. Every time I ask I feel like I’m pestering him. He’s been telling me next week – next week for more weeks than I can count. Is he embarrassed of me or hiding something of his own?

Hi Lori,
Thanks for your great question, this is an interesting one. First of all, I would like to know a bit more about how much you actually do know about the family of this great guy. Is it a case of, you have seen pictures, you know their names and his general feelings towards them, you just haven’t met them yet? Or…is it that you have been to his apartment several times, there are no signs of any family pictures, he clams up like a frightened crab at the very mention of family and his speed dial and email inbox are completely empty?! If we are talking about the latter, then there might be some serious red flags here. He could have some commitment issues, or he may be hiding something from you. Of course, there are those that have had problematic upbringings and a complicated family. They just don’t want to talk about family until they are ready. This can be a sign of tremendous baggage and depending on your needs and how much of a shoulder you are willing to be, this could be a road you may not want to go down.
If, on the other hand, we are talking about my former suggestion, then I really feel that there is no need for alarm, not at this stage. Plenty of us love our family…but like them at arm’s length. We have their pictures up, enjoy once a month phone calls and getting together with them is a special occasion akin to Leap Years'.
It’s only been 4 months – if things stay the same after the first year, then I would start to be concerned.

Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush atanoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Molly – Santa Monica
  I’ve been seeing someone now for about 4 months. When will I know if he is the one or not?

Hi Molly,
Thank you for your question; it is a great and frequent one. I always say that there is no science to knowing when that someone becomes simply that ‘one’. People get caught up in the timing and the exact feeling. The bottom line is, when you know, you know and it shouldn’t take too long. To be honest Molly, if you’re not feeling it after 4 months, I doubt you will after 5 or 6.

• Robyn – Atwater Village
  I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months and I really like him. How do I test the waters with the talk of marriage?

Hi Robyn,
Thank you for your question; it is one I have heard quite often since moving to LA. I personally am against all talks of marriage within the first year of dating someone. The only exception would be if it were something you both obviously wanted to do and mutually discussed in unison. Otherwise, if the subject is weighing on your mind and has not been mentioned, chances are it’s not weighing on his mind. Why do you feel the need to discuss this after 2 months? I think you might be focusing prematurely on the thought of ‘marriage’ and losing sight of figuring out whether you really like the relationship you are in. If you do and everything moves along well, the rest will follow naturally.

• Jack W. Marina Del Rey
  How long do I wait before I call a woman back after a first date?

Hi Jack,
This is a love-hate question for me. I love it because it takes us all back to the playground and I hate it because I thoroughly oppose all game-playing! The simple answer is, call when you feel you want to call. Don’t over analyze what she might think. Women like attention, we like that you built up the courage to call and acted like it was nothing. Let her smile to herself and wait a few hours before she calls you back, she feels in control and you’ve made her smile without realizing it. Don’t wait!

Ask Anoush - anoush@speedladating.com

Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice Column

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush at anoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Cindy , Thousand Oaks
  I’ve been seeing someone for close to 9 months now and I want to do something special (not too special) for his birthday. I thought of somewhere not too far, for a 3 day weekend. Where do I go?

Hi Cindy, thank you for your question – love the small trips out of town, so much fun! Considering where you are, it will be no surprise to you that I am thinking Santa Barbara. One of my most favorite understated hotels in Santa Barbara is the Montecito Inn on Coast Village Road. It’s a beautiful boutique hotel with a wonderful restaurant and bar. They do run specials for reservations made Sunday through Thursday and it is quaint enough to not scream ‘too special’. Continental breakfast is complimentary with your reservation and all the rooms are extremely modern with HBO, DVD /CD players and high-speed internet access. Gourmet dining is available through room service. If the weather is bad by any bad stroke of luck – there are plenty of things to do within the hotel. The Montecito Inn boasts a state-of-the-art exercise room, massage therapy, heated pool, Jacuzzis and wonderful saunas. Lunch, dinner and beverage service is also available poolside. I think it’s a beautiful place to have a relaxing few days without going over the top. Take a drive up and see for yourself – Valet parking is complimentary too.

• Jackie, Reseda
  Alright, so I’ve been on three dates with this guy. I like him. Not gaga but I could get gaga. Anyway, I met his sister on the second date. No big thing just happened to be around. So on our third date, I see her again and she’s talking about her wedding. She then turns to me and says “Do you want to be my bridesmaid?” I actually started to laugh, until I realized she wasn’t kidding. I nearly passed out. Out of sheer embarrassment of the moment, I agreed! I can’t guarantee we’ll make it past date 5. What do I do?

Hi Jackie, Thank you for your question – this is a strange one! What an uncomfortable position for you to be in I must say. First things first, the only easy way to slide out of this one is to do away with the relationship. That way there are no hurt feelings – no boyfriend, no bridesmaid for sister of boyfriend right? We could write pages on why this girl has no one closer in her life or why she latched on to you (perhaps she really wants her brother to get married, now that she is making that commitment) and is forcing it a little bit) Who knows…like I said; pages! If you really feel that this relationship isn’t really going anywhere, then get out now. Why prolong something you are not that into and maybe you can slope off before the measuring tape comes out for the dresses! I would love to know how things turn out, stay in touch.

Brian, Toluca Lake
So I’ve got this girl I like. We’ve been pretty exclusive for about 5 months. This is going to sound stupid, but I hate her music. No really, I despise her music. I’m not picky on music, I like most music, but this isn’t music. It sounds like New Age – spiritual – lots of harps – type music. It’s really the only thing I don’t like about her. So Anoush – help me out!

Hi Brian, Thank you for your question, this is a delicate one! Music can be such an important part of our lives and bonding over certain songs with your other half can be quite meaningful and create lasting memories. You didn’t say if this is her exclusive music of choice or if like you, she is open to other styles. I suggest that you play certain songs to her and let her know that you really like them and see how she reacts. Perhaps she can listen to her music when you are out or doing something else and you can still then have your songs that you enjoy together. As a music lover myself, I find it very important to agree on this and I wish you the best of luck in bringing her around to your taste. On the same hand, you should make every attempt to try to like some of her choices; maybe you have not heard them all! Let me know how it goes.

• Jimmy, Los Angeles
  Where can I take out a girl in LA that will give me the most bang for my buck? As in, I have very few. Any ideas would be helpful.

Hi Jimmy, Thank you for your question, in these times it is not a rare one, so I thought it a great one to share. Contrary to popular opinion there are quite a few options for a fun time in LA that doesn’t pull too hard on the purse strings. For a daytime date I always love the idea of spending a few hours down at the Santa Monica pier. There is so much to do there and not expensive! The arcade is sure to bring out the kids in you and see each other in a more relaxed environment. If you are feeling a little romantic and want to get snuggly, grab a couple of tickets to ride the Ferris wheel. For a romantic and lovely evening out, there are a few great restaurants on Ventura in Studio City and Sherman Oaks where you can have a lovely meal without the usual LA prices. I personally love Il Tiramisu in Sherman Oaks. A romantic setting without being too intimate, Il Tiramisu offers a fantastic bar, superb authentic Italian food and very pleasant staff to boot! The food is divine and you can enjoy a great meal and a couple of drinks for around $65. Not the cheapest in town but definitely one of the best as far as value for money is concerned. Other honorable mentions are Café Bizou just up the street. Also if you are over on the Westside and fancy an inexpensive but delicious meal – check out Panini on Sunset in West Hollywood. They have the best pizza in LA!

Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice Column

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush at anoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Jessica, Burbank
  I live in Burbank and needed a great first date place. Someplace romantic, but not too romantic if you know what I mean.

Hi Jessica, Thank you for your lovely question. It didn’t take me any time at all to come up with an answer. I have the perfect go-to spot, not too romantic, not unromantic either. Your answer awaits you at Café Bizou. I can’t say enough good things about this oasis in the valley. By far the best California-French fare for miles around. If you want to lean gently towards the romantic side (and I did say gently, so don’t panic!) request to be seated on the patio. Otherwise, inside is great too. I just find if a night is going to go well, it’s always nicer to be outside under the heat lamps - if it goes terribly you’re that much closer to Valet! The food is simply excellent (for a heavenly dish order the lobster special) there is a fabulous full bar and extensive wine list. Perfect setting, not too much, not too little and great prices too. You will not go wrong, I’m guaranteeing this one!

• Steve, Northridge
  Hello Anoush! OK. Here’s my deal. My girl’s birthday is in 10 days. We’ve been seeing each other for about 2 months. I have absolutely no idea what to get her. I’m a bit tight on cash and I didn’t want to send the wrong message. Any help?

Hi Steve, Thanks for your question love, I’m sure you’re not alone in this common angst. I like to believe I am not alone in my love for Sephora. Before you panic at the thought of walking in and feeling completely lost - have no fear – www.sephora.com is here. Cue the orchestra! Sephora really has come to us from above! Ladies love it. Not only because there is everything under one roof that we could possibly ever want, but and this is where you come in, they have the most fantabulous , and affordable gifts. A couple of my personal favorites that Sephora.com has at the moment are the Marc Jacobs Daisy Deluxe Gift Set ($87 value only $65!) Not only does this box set include a bottle of Marc Jacobs perfume but also the matching body lotion and shower gel! You are not going to go wrong there and your lady will smell so divine. Another favorite of mine is the Nars Body Glow gift set, only $49, I would be tickled pink to receive this and would give you major points! Let me know what you decide upon and how it goes!

• Marcus, Pasadena
  I have a question. I’ve been dating this woman for 4 months. We both have been seeing other people during that time, but I really like her now and I want to take the relationship to another level. How do I do that? I’m afraid to put myself out there, only to lose what I have if I scare her off.

Hi Marcus, thank you for your question, this is an interesting situation. Without knowing too many details, I would suggest a slow start – no sudden movements! You are obviously already aware of the fear of scaring her off, so that is good. All too often, men are not intuitive to this and make direct movements or sudden demands. You both have been seeing other people so you both have an equal footing and say in how things go forward. I would start by securing more nights together, or day trips whichever your schedule allows for. Basically the message you want to get across to her is that she is number one on your list. You never know she may be feeling the same way and isn’t sure how to approach you. Once you have a few more great dates, maybe elevated in terms of where you go, small gifts for her, increased phone calls etc...Then I would advise that you arrange a special dinner date. On this special date, take it up a notch – nice restaurant, flowers when you pick her up, lay the romance on thick! If this night goes well and you feel it’s mutual, then you are in a good place to have ‘the conversation’. Maybe you’ll want to have the talk that night, maybe you’ll wait until a few days after…you’ll know. Let me know how things develop, I love updates!

Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice Column

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush at anoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Joanna, Los Angeles
  I just got out of a bad breakup and the last thing I want is another relationship. I hope this doesn’t sound conceited but it seems every guy I meet now wants to run down the aisle. Maybe I’m giving off a vibe that doesn’t want to commit and this is about having what they can’t have. I don’t know. What do you think?

Hi Joanna, Thanks for your question! This is an interesting one. I always like a good role reversal! Now without knowing the exact details of the types of guys you are meeting, meaning their ages, if they have been married before etc…without knowing that I would say you have pretty much answered your own question. We all want what we don’t or can’t have… to a certain extent, of course. The fact that you are not out there searching for that man who is going to fit the ‘criteria’ and provide you with that large diamond ring and secure home, is exactly why you are attracting the marriage-minded men. Men, for the most part, fear the marriage-obsessed women that are hunting them down, so when they find one who isn’t, chances are he will revert to his inner instinct of the hunter and you will inevitably become his prey. Now if you could just start up some seminars for women out there, you could really help a lot of people out!

• Carla, Torrance
  My guy’s birthday is 2 weeks away. We’ve been dating each other for about 3 months. Any gift ideas? I don’t want anything that reads as too much or anything that reads too little. Help me Anoush!

Hi Carla, Thank you for your helpful question - the first gifts are always the hardest! I fully understand that you do not want to say too much or of course, too little, if in fact you like this one – which it sounds as though you do.
If you have made acquaintances with any of his friends or family yet, it never hurts to put in a phone call if you are truly stumped. I personally like the avenue of something special that you could do together. I think this takes the pressure away from something tangible that could be over-analyzed! Perhaps tickets to a sporting event, if he is a big fan of any in particular. Maybe something fun, nothing too serious. If you guys can have a great day and create more new and exciting memories, I think that will be the best gift of all! Leave the serious meaningful gifts to years down the road! Let me know what you end up doing and how it goes.

• Bradley, San Diego
  I’ve been seeing this girl I really like for 5 months. She is just amazing, except for this one thing. Last weekend I finally met her parents. Big day, very nervous. It went well, but I noticed two framed pictures of my girl and her ex-boyfriend. Not one, but two! One in the living room and one in their den like room. I don’t want to go over now and have this dude with my girl staring back at me. Do I say anything?

Hi Bradley, Thank you for your question and I can see why this is uncomfortable for you. I personally would suggest that you absolutely say something to your girlfriend. Perhaps she would find it odd if you did not. Maybe her parents were very close to this guy she dated before you but she no longer is and doesn’t like the fact that the pictures are up either. She must address this with her parents out of respect for you. If you had just been on a couple of dates I would say it is too early to say anything, but after 5 months, you are well within your rights to bring this up. Let me know how it goes!

• Trina, Toluca Lake
  I asked this guy out that I know from work. It’s not a work thing; he’s just someone I see every so often. Anyway, he’s a man’s man. I want to take him somewhere cool and not too girly for a first date. What’s a great first date place that will make a macho man feel at home?

Hi Trina, Thank you for your question. My mind immediately jumps to an environment that all men love; a great steakhouse. At the new L.A Live in downtown Los Angeles is the incomparable Fleming’s Steakhouse. With 100’s of award-winning wines by the glass and every perfectly cooked to order cut of steak imaginable, there is no way this manly man will not feel at home! On a side note to you, you must try their peach champagne cocktail, it’s to die for! They have to have something for us girls right?
If he is even more manly than your average manly man and does not wish to partake in a glass of Merlot, there is a full bar and beer abound! L.A Live is lots of fun to walk around afterwards and I think you will find he will love it.

Ask Anoush! All Things Dating Advice Column

Ask Anoush! Have a dating question? Need help navigating the dating world? Simply e-mail Anoush at anoush@speedladating.com with your question and she'll answer it right here.

• Kelly - Venice
  Hi Anoush! I didn’t have so much a question about dating as I did about your name. It’s so pretty where does it come from?

Hi Kelly,
Well thank you very much for your kind comment, I do get asked all the time! It is an Armenian name and it means ‘sweet’. My mother is Armenian and my father is English, although my father chose my name!
Thanks again.

• Sam, Marina Del Rey
  Is there a perfect first line when I meet a girl at a bar?

Hi Sam,
Thank you for this fun question! I must say I am against all ‘lines’ of any kind. No matter how good you may think your line is, the fact that you have memorized and rehearsed the line; invariably means it will not sound natural. Women do not like to feel like one of many and if you use a line on her, she may feel like you were ready to use it on any willing listener. Go with your heart and be yourself. Better to make an honest impression that might not be so hot, than a fake one that sounds too smooth.

• Claire, Studio City
  I’ve been seeing this guy off and on for the last year. Nothing too serious, just some fun here and there. I thought our situation was kind of understood, but lately he is latching on to me. He’s fun, but not boyfriend material. What do I do?

Hi Claire,

Thank you for your question. It sounds to me like you need to get out of this – quick! By continuing any form of relationship with this guy you are sending out the wrong message. Most guys think that all women want more, so he is probably confused by your contentment of this casual arrangement. I would suggest that you go out to lunch and give him the ‘let’s be friends’ talk! I think after a year, no matter how casual the relationship is you do owe it to him to do this face to face. Good luck!

• Camille, Laguna Beach
  I met a guy online who rocks! Except one thing, we haven’t met yet. We have IM’d till the wee hours of the morning night after night. We connect on every level except of course, that eye to eye thing. I keep suggesting we meet for coffee but he is always conveniently busy. What do I do? There seems to be such a online connection so why can’t there be a physical connection?

Hi Camille,
This question comes up time and time again now that we find ourselves in this new internet age of dating. I have to say, I am completely dubious of all internet-only relationships. I note that you say this guy ‘rocks’ – how do you know that? One cannot begin to know someone until you have met them. What you can feel in an instant over a look in the eyes, can take a year on the computer. You do not say if you have spoken on the phone yet, I definitely suggest this as a first step if you have not. My best advice to you is keep pushing the issue, it is not normal to continue on like this and not meet. As in all internet relationships, please do take caution when you do decide to meet. Perhaps you could double date with friends or a daytime lunch meeting initially? I may sound over-cautious, but one never knows these days. Best of luck to you and let me know how it goes!