- Jocelyn – Redondo Beach
Lately, when I go on dates they never get past the 3rd date. The first and second dates seem like their going well but for whatever reason, they fizzle out. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Any advice?
Hi Jocelyn,
Thank you for your question; it is not an easy one as everyone’s situation is different. The one thread that is true for all of us is that the first date is very much a ‘honeymoon’ date. We rarely tread too deep and it’s easy to feel ‘drunk’ in the moment of someone new showing interest in us. The second date is really the true test. It’s the second visit to that house you might want to buy, the second test drive on that new car and the second dinner with that guy you think you remember liking from a couple of weeks ago. If you do not feel a ‘click’ of any kind, chances are he doesn’t either, or worse he does and senses that you don’t! It’s very important that we put as much effort into that second date as we did the first and don’t assume he will do all the running. Men stress so much about securing that first date, that after the second he may feel it’s time you chased a bit.
- Stephanie – Long Beach
I work with guy I really like. I know that dating someone you work with is almost an oxymoron, but I don’t know what to do. I feel like if we both approached it like adults, it could work and if itdidn’t, we could still be co-workers. Am I dreaming?
Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for your great question, you are not the first to ask and I am sure you won’t be the last!
Indeed this can be approached like ‘adults’ as you say, but invariably, the problems do not lay in the approach but rather in the outcome. You do not mention if there are any seniority issues, this will inevitably lead to problems. If one of you answers to the other in the workplace I would most certainly say leave well alone. However, if you are on the same level and your workplace is not an overly-serious one, then there is hope. Let’s face it, most of us spend more time at work then we do anywhere else. We see our co-workers more than our friends and family. This doesn’t necessarily mean though that you know someone all that well; remember if he is like most of us at work, you are seeing his best side in that 8-10 hour window. Another reason for concern is that you must think about what your job means to you, if say, things don’t work out. Will you be able to face him every day? Or what if you have a fight the previous night; can you behave cordially at work the next day for the sake of your co-workers?
This is an age-old question for a darn good reason. There are many options to weigh and each situation is unique to the individuals. If you can answer the above questions and feel that you can do this with no regrets, why not give it a go? Please tread carefully Stephanie and do weigh all of the possible outcome scenarios first. If things don’t work out, SpeedLA Dating is always here for you.
- Lori – Hollywood Hills
I’ve been dating this great guy for about 4 months now. Everything is going good but I have yet to meet any of his family or friends. Every time I ask I feel like I’m pestering him. He’s been telling me next week – next week for more weeks than I can count. Is he embarrassed of me or hiding something of his own?
Hi Lori,
Thanks for your great question, this is an interesting one. First of all, I would like to know a bit more about how much you actually do know about the family of this great guy. Is it a case of, you have seen pictures, you know their names and his general feelings towards them, you just haven’t met them yet? Or…is it that you have been to his apartment several times, there are no signs of any family pictures, he clams up like a frightened crab at the very mention of family and his speed dial and email inbox are completely empty?! If we are talking about the latter, then there might be some serious red flags here. He could have some commitment issues, or he may be hiding something from you. Of course, there are those that have had problematic upbringings and a complicated family. They just don’t want to talk about family until they are ready. This can be a sign of tremendous baggage and depending on your needs and how much of a shoulder you are willing to be, this could be a road you may not want to go down.
If, on the other hand, we are talking about my former suggestion, then I really feel that there is no need for alarm, not at this stage. Plenty of us love our family…but like them at arm’s length. We have their pictures up, enjoy once a month phone calls and getting together with them is a special occasion akin to Leap Years'.
It’s only been 4 months – if things stay the same after the first year, then I would start to be concerned.
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